Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
