VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
