just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
