did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize