The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize