we made out on top of his cat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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