just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
