If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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