I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
