I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
