I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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