Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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