i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize