its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is it because I queefed?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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