We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize