can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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