broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.