I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian