Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock