i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
