Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
