Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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