I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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