Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
