if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
