Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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