You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
