i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
