I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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