i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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