those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
