but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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