I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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