you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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