grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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