The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
