When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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