I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
