even my farts smell like vagina
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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