Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
