My balls are so social today.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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