and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
