speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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