Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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