that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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