No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
