i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
