Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
