I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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