I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
