You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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