Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
