would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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