Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
