Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
