Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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