you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
