for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
