i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
