I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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