The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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