Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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